Dimestore Diamond : The Slow Fashion Experiment

Early on a balmy February evening, I prepared to attend my first Slow Fashion Clothing Swap.

The concept for a clothing swap is simple; rather than spending money on disposable, mass-produced "fashion" from high street stores like Supre (in Australia), or, [insert cheap Chinese store here], pay a nominal fee and swap your pre-loved, quality clothing, with like-minded people. It's touted as "a celebration of style with a lighter environmental footprint."

So, with this in mind, I rounded up some of my own pre loved clothes and stepped out to Carlton with great anticipation. This is what I put together;

a Wayne Cooper tee

an original 1980s Cherrylane jumpsuit in teal,

a 50s style chiffon floor length sundress,

a rarely worn cream H&M dress,

a little black Morrissey dress,

and a linen maxi vintage floral dress

The floral linen dress once belonged to my step mum or grandma - it was a size 4 or 6, so I figured someone slight of frame might appreciate it, instead of one of my legs.

Arriving at the swap meet, I was both excited and nervous. I proudly handed over my carefully selected garments, trading them for the night's currency, a wooden domino (drink token) and

6 x buttons to pay for my "new" clothes.

As my son and I sat to the side waiting for proceedings to start, we did some people watching. A fashion swap meet is, in my mind, an instant invitation to do a little crowd critique. As the "Ladistas" streamed in with their so called "designer" carry bags, I observed some pretty average morsels being handed over. I started shaking uncontrollably at one point, to which my son asked, "Mum, what's so funny?" And I said, "Do you think it'd be strange if I came to a clothes swap, and chose my own clothes back?" We giggled.

At an event like this, it helps to be prepared with clear ideas of what it is that you're looking for. I was vaguely after navy or red and white polka dots, nude colours, cute dresses, leopardskin print, and any flamboyant objects of desire, that I simply must have.

After an hour of sifting through other people's stuff in a hot, sticky room, my disappointment started to set in. While the concept is fantastic, and the event itself was fabulous, the quality of the clothes was not great, and the organisers should have exercised better quality control.

I finally settled on a collection of tops that have successfully merged with my existing wardrobe, but I don't know that I'd do it again. Independent trips to Savers promise nothing, and I usually do find true flecks of gold, and not just dirt.

The Result;

a 1970s bell sleeve broderie englaise print shirt

a Kookai basic top in nude

an 80s Sportsgirl ditzy floral blouse

a summer tank with lime green, purple and orange print

and a polka dot cami from Portmans

Working From Home

One of the hazards of working from home can be the distraction of domestic obligations around the house, over-eating, and in my case, the occasional bout of playing dress ups.

I like to consciously switch from domestic goddess to marketing muse by dressing the part, even though no one else can see. It helps to create a positive mindset, fit for brilliant, creative ideas and inspiration.

Today, I have successfully made the transition by choosing to wear my outrageously fabulous Duccio Del Duca cowboy boots, from Milano.

These were once featured in a Miss Selfridge catwalk show in London, and now they live with me. I inherited them from my friend Wayne, who felt that the world was being robbed of a fashion statement (achievable by only a select few), as these chocolate suede and gold glitter gems sat in pristine condition, at the bottom of his wardrobe.

I still feel in awe that he chose me to bring them back to life. It was a thoughtful, impractical gift that I adore, and will cherish always.

Last time I wore these on a night out, some vagrant yelled after me, "I like yer nice, gold boots." I mused at how his tone was insulting, but that he paid me a compliment; obviously he didn't have any decent insults on glitter boots logged in his infantile, wine-blitzed brain.

Today is Friday, and country music has gone a little bit disco. I am calling the look, Nutbush City Without Limits.

Dorothy can keep her ruby red slippers, this fine dame is already home.

Summer 2010 : It's A Scorcher!

Summer circa twenty ten has been an exhausting parade of ill-fitting mini skirts and chokingly tight denim shorts on bodies that the looks weren't meant for. If I have to look at one more beaver-haired, deep v pastel tee, gold chain wearing toad on my street, I may have a fashion meltdown!

Hmmm… Summer Fashion Meltdown. Look out for TGW's musings of some 'scorching misses', currently limping down a sunny street near you.

Have Fashion Chain Stores Gone 2 Fa?

The 2Fa: A brightly coloured tulip skirt, sewn to a plain cotton singlet. Retailers call it a "splice" dress.

Does this 2Fa splice abomination not encourage xerox dressing that takes all the fun out of adorning yourself in the morning?

Hordes of girls are stepping out with their clones in 2fas, cluttered with colourful flip flops and prescriptive junky jewellery, all bound, via Dull Town and Everyone Elseville, for another-music-festival-near-you.

I've always genuinely admired the Cotton On brand, they've nailed their piece of the market by jumping on to the latest colours and cuts, but always with the same fabrics. If you're considering to buy a new summer dress for $19.95, do you really think you're gonna be the only girl at the dance in that frock?

I'm looking forward to Winter, when they bring out the 2Fa Winter Suit, complete with built-in denim leggings and jersey winter coat, all in one. Majorca De Ville is today, pushing boundaries with the vision of the 3Fa; boots included. Girls need not ever think for their fashion-selves again.

Cotton boots may just be the new answer to Ugg Boots. What would they be called? Possibly Cot Boots, which makes you think of babies, and which will have most bogazons interpreting them as boots for BABES. Well, the world isn't Highpoint, girls. There are other options available to you.

If you think you like fashion and you put on one of these 2Fa rags, aren't you missing out on the joys of constructing your own outfit? As an adult woman, I rather enjoy choosing which top I'll wear with that skirt, thank you very much.

Death to cutsie lady-baby looks! Leave it to the toddlers.

Check us out in The Fashion Birdcage's e-zine

xxx

Want to know why girls on pushbikes are the new big thing?

Ever wondered why the same dude keeps walking past you in Fitzroy?

Issue #1 of The Fashion Birdcage's e-zine has the answers...

CLICK HERE to check it out.

It's a digital fashion feast, so if you want to skip to your favourite fashion snipers then look up these pages:

p.11: our bios

p.22: 'Girl On A Hot Tin Bike' by Majorca de Ville

p.73: 'March Of The Menguins' by The Sir

Revisiting sunglasses on men

Antoine entered the world at roughly the same time Tom Ford entered New York’s Parsons School of Design. It’s hard to say how much one influenced the other, but it can be easily argued that Ford’s Aviators look good on Antoine.

Without disregarding my prior cautionary post about men in sunglasses, I believe there’s a place in a man’s wardrobe (eyedrobe) for sharp, classic frames. This means they should be made from metal and glass, or something very closely approximating glass (if you’re burdened with a fear of having your face connect with something hard while moving at some speed). They shouldn’t be made from plastic, rubber, graphite or drinks coasters.

Shapes and sizes evolve so it’s no use attempting dictate here. But here’s my own rule of thumb: if the frame looks as though it would fall off your head if you shook it violently, then it’s good. I’m not interested in ‘sports’ glasses that look as though they were designed in a wind tunnel. I’m unashamed about boasting of the imperfect relationship between style and practicality. If this wasn’t the case we’d all be wearing Snuggies when it got cold (there’s a tremendous Darwinian failsafe with Snuggies: they’re highly flammable).

Colours, as well, will fall in and out of favour before the oft-changing alter of vogue, so I’m not too concerned here. If your frame is made of metal, then metal is a pretty good colour. Also, given the best of the 80s is enjoying a renaissance I’m looking forward to the mainstream comeback of large mirrored lenses – wear them, then challenge Tom Cruise to a game of bare-chested beach volleyball. Regarding frames: as a precaution, I would give loud primary colours a wide berth unless you plan on coupling them with a popped collar and expect to be beaten up by every person on Earth.

If you’re still clueless and have sun in your eyes, try to find a pair of your father’s sunglasses from 15 years ago and wear those. This rule ought to work at any future point. In all likelihood the glasses would have been resilient enough to weather fashions and the elements.

Oh, and Antoine made his own jacket. Cool isn’t it?

Faux Fur For Real

If you've ever considered sporting a fur coat to the disco, there are a few things you should should think about before getting dressed.

As a piece, the fur coat is a striking, and needs to be accessorized precisely, so that you don't end resemble Fran Dresher's Nanny Fine. The other look to stay well away from is the tragic, tarty look - wearing every piece of bling that you own, with over the knee boots.

I've seen a few foxes get this look right, which is what started this fur contemplation. I've even stood in Currency on Brunswick Street, wondering whether the look is right for me, so I set about doing some windownet shopping, and this is what I came up with. This is my take on the Veruca Salt.
Clockwise from left: 1. Vintage faux fur coat, slightly cropped, not too bulky. Avoid big 70s collars, because they are for Zsa Zsa and her friends. 2. Karen Walker brooch. In love with KW jewellery. This pin will bring the jacket into now, and make you feel more like a Yeah Yeah Yeah. 3. Karen Walker sunglasses in bright yellow. Sunglasses are generally recommended for the day time, but every girl needs a pair of sunnies for the walk of shame home the next day. 4. Black leather gloves are sleek, and you will look like a rock star spy. 5. Black bangles. Get into the groove like Madonna did. 6. The all important thin red belt should be used to cinch in the waist, to give you your lady silhouette. 7. Graphic Mimco clutch.

Nouveau Nail Art : A Thriving Industry

One of The Garb Wire's beloved fashion snipers sent in a photo of an interesting piece of jewellery by Austrian designer, Anne-Marie Herckes. He sent it with the caption, "Oh.", while her caption reads: "the essential MJ collection on a brooch" and the website opens with the following statement:

The smaller the pieces you do, the quicker you can react to
real life goings-on.

I feel at this point that it's important to thank Anne-Marie, firstly for her cutting edge and very timely craft, but secondly for prompting me to do a search on "Michael Jackson nails". I thought there'd be no way. But there is a way.

There are nails for every occasion. Every current affair. Any ordinary affair.

Just six months after my first initiation into the burgeoning nail art movement, I'm still fascinated by the genre, which, between you and me, feels a little like someone signed up for a cake decorating class, and stumbled instead, into next door's nail art course.

Forget cool hunting, here is cool nail art hunting...

Mourning Nails

What do you do if the King of Pop passes? Why, you pay tribute with a themed manicure, that's what. Respect. Some people cry, some make useless brooches, a few might play his music to remember, but you choose to remember him with your fingernails. And comfort will come, in time for you. It will.

Nails for Adults

Bite that cherry (or plum) and file those nails til they're surfboards! These nails are perfect for times when you just need to succumb to the sinful fruit, forget about tomorrow (work) and its consequences (and/or bacon).

It's a Nail Symphony!

How anyone could have an entire orchestra on her hands is beyond me... and the weight of it...is that arm really far away, or...is that a double bass at the front of the shot?

WAG Nails

It's what every girl dreams of... isn't it? To have a string of cubic zirconias across the hand. With fingers interlocked, this princess wishes for her handsome Prince of Swarovski, and his little brother, the Baron of Clear Acrylica.

The Nail Of The Wild

I wanna have a word to the stylist. Tiger print 'tard, fishnet gloves, gold rings and that butterfly piercing. That butterfly piercing... can't even see the nails in this one, but sure can see the rest of it!

B.A. Branding

There is Above The Line, and Below The Line marketing, but here we have Below Average Branding, where someone in the very general public has chosen to put some of the world's (USAs) most loved junk food brands on her nails. How genius! How very fattening.... all styled on a Cheetos packet. Yes, I know, genius. Some food for your nail thoughts.

What are your nail fantasies?

In fashion,

Majorca De Ville

A short treatise concerning the top three buttons of a man’s shirt

There are probably more established rules here. If so, I’m not actually aware of them. So here are my rules concerning the fastening, or not, of the top three buttons of a man’s shirt.

Top button

1. Always aim to do this one up if wearing some sort of tie, lest you resemble a rugby player at an awards night; before, during or after the inexorable fist fight with teammates/girlfriend/dignitaries. If you can no longer fasten this button because you’ve had a problem with the habitual ingestion of pies, which have begun to settle around the neck, then refer to The Sir’s below subclauses concerning this:
   
   1.1 have a tailor (or yourself if confident) re-sew the button closer to the edge of the placket, thus affording you valuable extra breathing space
   
   or
   
   1.2 get used to wearing large (and concealing) full Windsor tie knots. The effect is best with cutaway collars.
   
   and
   
   1.3 Do something about the circumference of your neck, preferably something less to do with pies.
   
   For the amusement of others, you may like to force the top button closed. By lunchtime your head should look like a plum.
   
   
2. If not wearing something around the neck, then unbutton this guy otherwise people will expect you to start reeling off Jerry Seinfeld jokes just like Jerry Seinfeld.
   

The next button

1. If not wearing a tie piece, keep it fastened or unfastened. I don't really mind. Further elaboration is boring.

The button after that

1. Here’s where any rule should perform the role of informing rather than dictating – as a lot of judgment is needed when deciding on what to do with this curious little toggle. A man can make his appearance a little more daring if he leaves three buttons undone. Certainly appropriate and recommended during the balmier months when one is ordering quarts of mojitos. Careful with this move if you’re required to front up somewhere with some semblance of business composure, unless you’re Antonio Banderas, and you’re drinking mojitos in the office. Even the classiest of dressers have been, from time to time, beguiled by the urge to keep this one unbuttoned. Sometimes it works, and provides a positive edge, other times it can look dishevelled, boorish or give one the appearance that they’ve attempted to dress in the car on the way to work.

Take A Bow : Design Massacre

It started with a leisurely walk on the Pitt Street Mall in Sydney.

Entering and leaving shops within seconds, I felt awash with frustration at the sameness of it all.

Anyone can do leggings, and they do. Anyone can put boots over jeans, and they certainly do that... though I wish they'd stop - especially over the non-skinny leg variety. Note to Kate Moss: "Please declare your new boot wearing style as a matter of priority. Australia needs help!".

One heavily featured "style" for the coming Australian summer, and appearing in every chain store, was the array of tops and dresses with bows on them. To amuse myself as I endured a bout of shopper's fatigue, I wrote in my mind, an imaginary letter of complaint to the lazy designers working for big brand, high street stores. It went something like this;


Dear Ms Bow Bozo,


I have seen the white acrylic bow tank in your Spring Summer '10 collection, and regret to advise that it is incredibly dull. No matter how many sequins you put on it, and regardless of the size, I think you are lazy, uninspired and demand that you resign at once.


Painfully
Majorca De Ville

I am a huge fan of the actual, tied pussy bow, as avant garde as it can seem at times. Worn the right way, it can look striking, and polished.

But printing a big fat bow on a t-shirt is unacceptable. Buying one sober, and wearing it in public would see you driven into exile. Don't stimulate our economy by buying one, because if you do, you'll be indirectly keeping some lacklustre designer in a job.

Guest Garb Wire : Agent Costume

I love dressing up!

I used to spend a long time before each school day putting together the perfect outfit and then take it all off again and change, fearing school yard stares or teasing from mean boys.

One day, I met this really cool girl, who obviously put herself together in a similar way AND left the house. Although she did look different, she also looked red hot! What a lesson! One can be original and cool at the same time.

I started to trust my sense of style.

Years later, I was getting ready for work. It must have been full moon time, or something in the air. I put on a billowy white cheesecloth blouse with short tweed like vest, long black pearls, white linen shorts, black-and-white beaded African belt (to break up the white), bright RED opaque tights, long dark-brown Mexican cowboy boots (they were HOT!), loads of eyeliner, bronzed cheeks, and i fluffed up half of my long hair up at the back, with little plaits and curly locks of hair coming down from under the spikey half bun aspiration. Truly inspired.

The collective look I recieved on first step into the morning bus said it all. My immediate thought: "Uh-oh, I've gone too far"... I tried to look them all in the eye and smile, taking a seat with carefree aplomb.

When I finally got to work - a train and a walk through Sydney's Circular Quay later, my work mate shouted "What are you wearing?"

I was made to do a few turns so everyone could check it out.

My only defence, "Well, you wear crazy things too!" muttered sheepishly in mild defence.

"Yeah," she said

"But I drive here"

Elisa can be contacted on http://www.agentcostume.com/

Damsel In Overdress : Revolting Against The Dress Code

When I take a moment to consider what it means to overdress, I'm confronted with flashes of times when I myself, may have
risen to occasions, and quite possibly, toppled and frothed right over the top of them.

From the time when I was first injected into the world of styling, being privvy to trends many months before the masses could buy them from Forever New, I contemplated my own image, and just who I wanted to be, strutting on the streets of Melbourne town.. Exactly who that is, I may never know. But, who ever does?

LEOPARDSKIN AT THE OFFICE

I remember wrestling with my wardrobe on the eve of a special lunch at Becco, with the editor of a national fashion magazine, and, forty-seven costume changes later, I decided that the only outfit worn would be Grandma's leopardskin cullotte jumpsuit (nylon hell on a hot day), cinched in at the waist with a wide woven belt in chocolate, and wooden beads to boot.

Tres fabulous in my mind, however, riding in the lift up to work the next day was interesting. I remember looking straight ahead at the doors, and noticing customers looking away and laughing with their friends. I remember having that last minute panic, and then, in my mind, deciding that they were not my target audience - it was too late, and all I could do was walk tall, like I meant it. And I do mean it, every single day.

THE ART OF SUBTLETY

A few years ago, one of my work colleagues had been out all night, and came to work soon after.

Because of her quiet and lovely demeanor, no-one would have noticed, had it not been for her white tank and silver sequinned puffball skirt. As she sobered through the morning, we marvelled at her choice of dress for the day's work ahead. It was a long day - we had several coffees, and fifteen winding sessions.

THE WARDROBE BRIEF

In other recent times, a friend and I would get so excited about "casual dress Fridays" that we would set wardrobe briefs for eachother by sms, the night before - these curtain calls/dares were at times outrageous, and as time went on, they became more ridiculous, my favourites being "Walk This Way by Run DMC Vs Aerosmith", and "Hugo Boss circa '97 - grey hues teamed with lime green".

On the Friday that we did Hugo Boss '97, my man friend, who was in a management position at the time, got wrapped over the knuckles for looking too much like he'd come straight out of the disco. With his skinny Ksubis in seal and lime tee with rhinestones, he sashayed to my desk to inform me. Needless to say that the next week's wardrobe brief was black, with a little bit of "Dolly Parton's 9 to 5" thrown in.

DRESS IN THEMES

To really entertain yourself, and others, why not decide on a colour du jour, or base your style entirely on an outrageous celebrity, just for a day. Wear neon tights, round sunglasses - really have fun at the photocopier.

There are no rules. There shall be no rules imposed upon us.

Embrace individuality - even if you love rock n roll, why not give black & white stripes and wayfarers a rest (especially when in Fitzroy) - change the way you look - pop on a hot frock and sweep that blunt fringe to the side - it'll leave them breathless.

The only thing worse than being arrested by the Fashion
Police, is being warmly welcomed by the Beige Brigade, who have far less
power and no badge or sirens to speak of.

Why Don't Ya Talk Ta Me?

There's just so much to think about right now, between listening to
Peaches' 'Talk To Me' and Stevie Nicks and Gossip's 'Heavy Cross'...
So much drama, attitude and lace to deal with.

We'll be back soon with an amazing (I'm sure) article on "Overdressing for the Dress Code". Have you ever? If you have... please tell me about it - fashionsniper@thegarbwire.com

Love, love

F is for...

Now, I feel like the last few entries have been a little hose-centric. I apologise for this, but the cooler weather seems to bring the matter to the fore.

From where I sit, here is the deal - fishnets in peep toes are okay, and block colour opaques are borderline ok, too. However,

Flesh colour or nude stockings worn with open toe (let alone summer, strappy
comfort sandals) are a big 'no-no'. No. No.

I went to a wedding reception once sporting glossy nude stockings, but they had stirrups for the toes. As in, I wore the stockings and the peep toe shoes, but the actual toes were without stocking coverage. The red, pedicured nails were out for all to see. Glamour.

The only sub group allowed to get away with this are women who have already had their 70th birthday. Although I'm pretty sure that Dorothea would throw sherry to the fire over your hosiery toes.

E is for...

Has anyone read How Luxury Lost Its Lustre? Copping a fake designer product from a normally reputable auction site leaves you feeling, well... as fake as a Von Datch truckers cap.

Racoon Tresses

Thanks to one Alice Ford, of South Yarra, Victoria, it came to light this afternoon, that Limahl, the ladyboy-vocal powerhouse behind the hit soundtrack single "The Neverending Story", and frontman of 80s band, Kajagoogoo (Too Shy), was one of the true bad taste makers of his time, and now ours - why else would so many young men be taking bleach bottle matters into their own hands?

"Turn around... tell me what you
see-i-ee-ee-i-ee"

Here, is what I see...

Biff and Happy take a day trip to the Melbourne Zoo, in matching pastel tees and tight denim shorts. White sandshoes are a given.



















Master Racoon is spotted here at Melbourne Central, rollin' nuttin' but an ultra deep v-neck shirt in blue, and tips to make your eyes water. He was probably looking for his girlfriend in faux denim leggings at the time.




















On Brunswick Street, Racoons have come to love late night pizza offerings. Masstige print tees are rewarded with extra cheeeese.






Some thought starters for you... animal, vegetable or highly flammable?

A Ribbing From The Lady

If you're planning to wear ribbed tights this Autumn or Winter, make sure they're not twisted.

As our eyes trace the ribbing up your legs, and we notice that the lines start to twist diagonally from just above the knee, we can only guess that a little higher up, the tights have a boa constrictor death grip on your thighs, leaving your good-girl listless, with every step.

Take your time putting on statement hosiery. If they're twisted at the ankle, chances are, things will only turn nasty, once you pull them to your waist.

You need to start again. Take them off. Sit down, grab the toe of the hose, bunching up the leg - put them over your toes, and pull them on straight.

The only stares and whispers you want this season, are from those wish they could be as daring as you in your yellow, straight ribbed tights.

Lastly, if you are not part of the lolly leg gang, I suggest you stray AWAY from grey marle, beige, fawn or yellow tights altogether. White is banned for trunks.

Why not opt instead for black, navy, purple or charcoal?

Fashion hosiery should not only be fun to wear, but fun to see.