A short treatise concerning the top three buttons of a man’s shirt

There are probably more established rules here. If so, I’m not actually aware of them. So here are my rules concerning the fastening, or not, of the top three buttons of a man’s shirt.

Top button

1. Always aim to do this one up if wearing some sort of tie, lest you resemble a rugby player at an awards night; before, during or after the inexorable fist fight with teammates/girlfriend/dignitaries. If you can no longer fasten this button because you’ve had a problem with the habitual ingestion of pies, which have begun to settle around the neck, then refer to The Sir’s below subclauses concerning this:
   
   1.1 have a tailor (or yourself if confident) re-sew the button closer to the edge of the placket, thus affording you valuable extra breathing space
   
   or
   
   1.2 get used to wearing large (and concealing) full Windsor tie knots. The effect is best with cutaway collars.
   
   and
   
   1.3 Do something about the circumference of your neck, preferably something less to do with pies.
   
   For the amusement of others, you may like to force the top button closed. By lunchtime your head should look like a plum.
   
   
2. If not wearing something around the neck, then unbutton this guy otherwise people will expect you to start reeling off Jerry Seinfeld jokes just like Jerry Seinfeld.
   

The next button

1. If not wearing a tie piece, keep it fastened or unfastened. I don't really mind. Further elaboration is boring.

The button after that

1. Here’s where any rule should perform the role of informing rather than dictating – as a lot of judgment is needed when deciding on what to do with this curious little toggle. A man can make his appearance a little more daring if he leaves three buttons undone. Certainly appropriate and recommended during the balmier months when one is ordering quarts of mojitos. Careful with this move if you’re required to front up somewhere with some semblance of business composure, unless you’re Antonio Banderas, and you’re drinking mojitos in the office. Even the classiest of dressers have been, from time to time, beguiled by the urge to keep this one unbuttoned. Sometimes it works, and provides a positive edge, other times it can look dishevelled, boorish or give one the appearance that they’ve attempted to dress in the car on the way to work.